Author: introducingbre

29 year old Minnesota native too obsessed with Britney Spears for her own good.

Help me I’m Poor

is something I quote often. Anytime I need something I find myself mimicking Kristen Wiig, half joking, but also seriously needing someone to help me adult. Even a year away from 30 (something I still can’t wrap my mind around!) it feels like I’m just faking it until I make it. I remember being little and assuming by 21 I would be married.. Then at 21 assuming 25 would be a good age to settle down. Yet here I am, single as ever and trying to navigate through debt, Bumble, and not burning down my apartment whenever I touch the stove!

In the media they portray these struggles as quirky and, more importantly, temporary. And maybe they are for some people. But my question is where the heck were the classes that taught us how to pay for rent + groceries + that expensive gym membership? Okay, maybe that last one is a luxury but fitness gives you endorphins, and endorphins make you happy, and happy people just don’t kill their husbands are less likely to break down crying in their cube at work. The point is, I feel like I missed an important lesson in how to get your shit together!

That isn’t to say my life isn’t charming in its chaos. Part of the reason my credit cards are halfway maxed (yes, plural cards.. I can’t be tamed) is because I refuse to let myself miss out on opportunities because I can’t pay immediately out of pocket. I travel as often as I can and attend concerts like my life depends on it. I justify it by pointing out I don’t buy myself much in terms of material possessions. My apartment consists of hand me down furniture from my parents and the biggest splurge I’ve made in the past year was upgrading my lease from a car to a SUV – which was a must living in a state where it’s 98% snow most of the year.

Yet, somehow I don’t think describing how I spent my birthday crying while meeting Groot in Disneyland will endear me to the bank enough to waive my monthly payments. Which is why I am declaring this the year I get (mostly) out of debt. If I put it out in the universe it has to come true, right? Positive manifestation and all that! I’ve already taken the first step and picked up a part time gig delivering groceries to people, so I’m hoping that extra income will help take a chunk off a month. Or at least give me an edge on Grocery Games. Either way I’ll keep this site posted.

In the meantime, if anyone has any tips for saving money though PLEASE send them my way and.. well, help me I’m poor!

Another Year Older

I am 29 years old and have nothing figured out.  

I have a career I’m semi passionate about and have reached every goal I hoped to achieve so far.  I am decent at it and get along with my co-workers. There is nothing to complain about, yet I struggle to call it my forever job.  

I have my own place with mismatched furniture and a fridge that is never stocked.  I have friends who sometimes have my back and friends who I am so blessed to have reconnected with over the years.  Yet I still feel alone.

I travel and go to concerts and try to live my life to the fullest, yet something feels like its missing.  I live paycheck to paycheck and try to keep my crippling debt under control, while still trying to make memories and have experiences I can brag about when I’m older and looking back on the ‘glory days’.  

I dream of packing up in the middle of the night and starting over.  I dream of finding love and passion and adventure yet wake up too terrified to try.  I paint on a mask of carefree confidence and pretend to brush everything off, swear sticks and stones can’t hurt me.  Than cry myself to sleep wondering what is wrong with me.

I claim to be okay when inside everything feels too broken to be pieced back together.

But maybe this is what growing up truly is.  Without the glitz and glamour of social media and trying so hard to appear to be as put together as everyone else around you seems.  Maybe I am not the only one going through each day trying to keep my head above water and praying no one can notice. Wishing that just one person would.  

I guess where I’m going with all of this, in the slightly more emo tone than I intended, is nobody is perfect (thank you Hannah Montana) and it’s time to embrace it.

I am 29 years old and it is okay to not have my life pinned down.  

All that matters is I am trying.